Dreams that Kill - a story written by me.

I will update every chapter as I go along. Enjoy your time of boredom.
NOTE : I am posting the rough draft of this. You WILL find spelling errors and grammatical errors. Point them out for me because I'm thinking of submitting this to our school literary journal. Of course, I'd have to make a clean version of this, but this could be great.

Chapter 1

My memories fade into a dark black pool in mind my and as I set into a place of happiness, they truly identify themselves as a haunting. The words of choice they use are the words that the true evil man would convey and his words convey pure darkness. Your body simply cannot handle too many black thoughts so it has to coat the good thoughts like tainting a piece of the best meat. You feel betrayed by your own mind when you’re dreaming because you don’t know how your dreams will go and the entirety of your whole existence might as well not be true.

I am Brandon and you could think of me as a soul that doesn’t have a heart but you are wrong. Throughout the years, I’ve had so many devastating memories that patch the great gateway of my pure remedies. We all have our time where we need others to feel sorry for us and I’m not one of those types of people. You need to make a fair judgment of who you are and not compare your life to another’s demise. This is me, this is my life and this is certainly my story.

“I wasn’t always like this.”
I pause.
“I didn’t always have these thoughts.”

“Of course you didn’t Brandon. These thoughts develop overtime and can be easily fixed with the simplest of treatments.” Said doctor Otega.

“You need to bring yourself to your own realization that you too are not perfect. You have so many problems with your slut-bag wife and your perfect shift through life. You’re a piece of shit and yo-“

Doctor Otega slapped me as I build my inferior statements. He knows that I’m a worthless piece of shit as him and he thinks he’s better but his thoughts are reversed like the gripping thought of being made as a monster.

“You’re going to get fired, fag.”

We end our session and it’s cut too short. I was supposed to go back to my memories and face my fears but I knew I blew the whole thing out of proportion. Now I have to wait for an hour because my session was going to end then. In time, I’ll get through but the thought of waiting for nothing is eating me up inside.

An hour later after shifting through recycled magazines in a back alleyway, my ride finally shows.
“How was your session sweetheart?”

“Well, mom, Mr. Otega slapped the shit out of me and now he’s fired.”
I knew he wasn’t fired, but I wanted her to think he was. I wanted her to feel like I got the better end of the stick.

“Brandon, what were you thinking? I’m sure he had a plausible reason to slap you. Also stop using that language. I remember when you were a good boy and you never cursed around your dear old mother.”

“You don’t understand what I’m going through and you never fu-, I mean effing will. It’s hard to explain, but I’ll tell you one day.”

“Well, as long as you’re doing okay, I’m doing okay.”
As the day went on, I kept thinking of my life in entirety. It’s going by too fast and now that I’m nearly out of school with one year left, I’m forced to decide my ultimate fate on whether I want an extravagant lifestyle with everything I need, or a poor decisional life with consequences that crucify how a man is supposed to live.

Chapter 2

It’s the next day and as I think heavily on what happened yesterday, I want to go to Mr. Otega and apologize. Of course we all can have simple regrets in our life but I knew I was clearly in the wrong.

“Hey, can you take me back?”
“Brandon, why? You know what’ll happen.”

She did have a point. I most likely could burst of in anger and have thoughts that could kill. Not literally of course, but mentally I’m twisted.

“Fine, get in the car”

We arrive to the therapist only to find out that it is closed because it’s Sunday.

The day itself is dark, gloomy, cold and wet and I set out to redeem this broken offset. I creak the front door open and slam it. I’m an utter mess and I needed the comfort of one to satisfy my ludicrous hypocrisy.

As the day goes on and my soul is deemed to be lifeless, I get to be lonely enough that I decide to comfort my satisfaction on the internet. I want someone to say what a good person I am because I truly have good intentions, but with the wrong attitude toward life. I go to a dating site and I need the comfort of these disgusting perverts to seldom the cost of my integrity. Loan behold, there’s old pricks jumping my bones and it truly makes me feel like I’m worth something. That night I fall asleep as giddy as can be.

I’m abruptly woken by an annoying alarm and I know it’s time for the most dreaded place in my dictionary.

Chapter 3

I think high school is just as childish as elementary school. It’s all about how many girls you can have sex with, how many babies you can have, or how many parties you can attend. Of course, I shouldn’t be the one to talk because I’m socially awkward, but at the same time people just don’t know the true me.

I arrive at school with minutes to spare and I lay my head down on my computer keyboard and fall fast asleep. I dream of toxic waste fumes spewing into my body as I take a deep release and wake up. My computer is making a furious noise as annoying as my morning alarm. Also, my computer screen says ERROR about one hundred times and then the power goes out as I wake up again to find out I was only dreaming of waking up.

It’s now 7:45 AM and it’s time to start the grueling class work. I only know staring at the clock like a crack junkie would only make it worse so I actually pay attention to this godforsaken broad. My intense focus leaves me off track and as I daze into a world I’m not even aware of and I actually got someone’s attention.

“Brandon, are you doing okay thar?”
“Huh? H.. Yeah, I’m doing fantastic Janay.”

Janay is quite humorous to me and she follows the exact guidelines of being a full-blown lesbian. Most heterosexual guys think of lesbians as two blondes at their favorite beer bar French kissing, but Janay is a tomboy, freckled face, offbeat adolescent. Her mind is like a pool of coaxed cocaine with a side of French fries and her cooling disarray is her starving obsession to label herself as a raving homosexual. She has the most opposite thoughts of any girl I know and she’ll definitely say what’s on her mind.

“Hey Jellz, my vagina is like a bleeding infestation, can you help mee?”

“I told you not to call me that, my name is Jillian.”
Oh yeah, that’s Jill. She’s somewhat linear with her own spin-off of how life can actually be appreciated. Her mind set is a flow of virtual happiness with a side of in your face attitude. You can coax your opinion in her brain, but she’ll coax it right back out. Float away from her if you’re submissive, but if you’re passive like I, then gravitate toward her entity.

The day is rolling by and now it’s the afternoon. I have to work for three hours each day at an elementary school. Sometimes it’s hard to teach young children because there’s only one age where their mind is like a sponge that soaks up the intoxications you feed their brain. You willow away from the fact that they look up to you and when they’re crying out for attention, all you can do is scream in your mind and keep your cool. It’s hard not to hit a kid, but you just have to force yourself into thinking what scars that kid will have for life. Think of a satisfactory reason, and I’ll give you a cheeseburger.

Today, I mostly filed papers, copied them and delivered them to their utmost uncertainty. These papers will be delivered teachers, in which will be delivered to children, in which will be delivered to parents, in which they’ll be one day posted on a fridge and forgotten about.

It’s now 3 PM and I can finally go home. I walk out of the front doors in the elementary school only to find my ride, which was my father, didn’t show. The uncertainty of this predicament only deems me to walk home in an alone nutshell. I arrive home and plop myself down on my bed. I fall fast asleep and I awake in the jungle of nighttime.


Chapter 4

My addiction to this merry-go-round won’t stop. I get all the attention I need but I keep circling around the everlasting flavor of deception. I can’t handle all of this and I know I should be looking for one guy. The thought of having my heart broken is my own fidelity, but at the same time, inching my way toward my own ultimate depression doesn’t soothe my containment. I have to update my profile and be as true as I can be. I know if I include false statements such as I’m the best damn catch on the site, I’ll endanger my true identity as an individual. It’s too cliché to lie about my status simply to bag somebody in. I need to be the real me, all the time, everyday.

Name: Brandon S
Profile ID: #126329

Profile text:

Well, I’m Brandon. I’m a nice person really, with a kind of heart. I want to listen to all of your problems as long as you’re willing to listen to mine. Although, I’m willing to give a whole lot in this relationship, I do expect something back. Note that I am young, yes, but that doesn’t deem me to be an immature person with this dry personality. You could think of me as your son, but ultimately, I do want to be classified as an equal.

Some passions:

Cooking
Swimming
Education
Fishing
Pondering Movies
Eating Food, nonetheless (haha)

I also have a satire look on political issues, so if you seriously want to bond with me, you have to have some knowledge of politics and a funny way of interpreting them.

I don’t smoke, never will.
I don’t drink, only on occasion.
I don’t do drugs, never will.

I have a HUGE heart and I plan on giving it to that one person to make my whole life complete. You can think this sounds too good to be true, but this is me and I can’t change that.

Please, if I’ve sparked an interest, drop a note and I WILL get back to you.

Take care, thanks for reading!
Brandon. <3

Only ten minutes pass and I have over five messages in my inbox. Of course, I’ve been on here before, but with no picture, no information and certainly not who I truly am. These messages make me feel powerful because I know there’s that one soul that I’ll find and he’ll have the same exact love connection as I. I’ve turned into from a dark, gloomy, overcast of a human being and now I feel I’m being brought out of my box and into my new carved shell of a life. I take the outer edges off the peach and now this is the real me naked and all.

I tend care to all of the messages these fine gentlemen send and I again, couldn’t be anymore ecstatic. I feel my emotions embedded and I’m taking a release and a break from my inner ambitions to peruse the inner self of Brandon.

It’s 2:30 AM and I am deadly tired. I strip off my clothes, head to my bed and dive in. I take on a huge smile as I dream the night away.


Chapter 5

As I fall into a deep sleep, I get this feeling in my mind and it’s oozing out with pleasure. The dip of the pool is greater than expected and I take a full dive in. I want more of the attention, I just, just.. I wake up in a daze and fall back asleep.

The attention for me is like the greed in money. It can be the death of me even if it seriously brings me alive.

I met several guys online, and only one sparked my interest. Actually, a few did, and I continuously messaged them like a bottle of booze was married to a frosty man’s cold-blooded lips. It was the highest form of drug for me because when I had all the attention, I won. This went on for days and this secret love soon faded in and out. I was as happy as can be, but I knew this relationship was a set up and only in time would this man take over my entire soul and body if I weren’t cautious. I ended this foolish relationship with a simple ignore, and I moved on with my search.

I spent nearly an hour reading new mail and a few sparked another interest, but I knew it was my hormones playing another sick and twisted role in my ponderous search. I was a damn fool, but the attention grew on me like a black thick mold covered in a green toxic waste taking over every inch of my body. The one inch that wasn’t tainted was Roy.

I met Roy on the dating site, but either way, he was everything I was looking for. I even ignored his mail the first time I read it because it was simply too long. He actually spent his time making a nice reply because he saw something in me other than sex, and for me that was important. His ability to see right through the garbage in these boys instantly made me trust him. His choice of words were like a fine beef NY strip steak compared to the beef chuck of the other apprentices. Don’t get me wrong, beef chuck is delectable, but nothing compares to NY strip steak. He always complimented me, savored me, cherished even the little shit but in the end, so did I. I gave him all of the love he gave me and in return, I grew attached to him just like the blank mold that nearly spread through my body and took over. I’m in love now and my life couldn’t get any better.

The edit button is broken.

edit - Fix'd.. It wasn't working but I closed my browser and it worked after that. Sorry for this double post.

Duuuuude,
This is the shit!
I can't wait for the rest, MAEK MOAR, DON'T BE LIEK ME WHO WAITS 5 MONTHS.

I'm going to post here every two chapters to make sure this thread doesn't die or anything. I'll also record audio and post it here so you can maybe follow along. Thanks for reading Kami, it's all for you.

bam